COMMENTS ON IELTS WRITING 1

The graph shows the different modes of transport used to travel
to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Over the
forty year period from 1960 to 2000, in all four modes of
transport use to travel has increased by car, while travel on foot has
decreased.

The rate of using car has been greatest by increasing from 8% in
1960 to 38% in 2000. On the contrary, the rate of traveling
on foot has decreased dramatically from 35% in 1960 to 10% in 2000.

Using bus for travelling has fluctuated from 20% in 1960 to around 28% in 1980
and decreased at 18% in 2000. Meanwhile, using bike has decreased sharply from
28% in 1960 to 23% in 1980 and continued decrease in 2000 at 8%.

The graph indicates that the year 2000 was changing point for the people in one
European city to use mode of transport for traveling
to and from work from on foot until using car.


Tety M.

10:29 PM

Your paragraph is good, please look at the underlined words and
discuss those with your friend. If you have problem please contact me or one of
your teachers. Thanks

PRESENTATION THE GRAPH

The graph shows the number of the different modes of transport
used to travel and work in one European city in 1960, 1980, and 2000.


The firstly, we can see the number of the bus transportation in
one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000 there were fluctuated such as in 1960
to just about 20% of total travelers,
in 1980 there was upward trend to just over 25% of total travelers
and in 2000 there was downward trend to just under 20
%.

The secondly, the number of the car transportation in one European city in
1960, 1980 and 2000 there were sharp increased such as in 1960 to
just over 5% of total travelers, in
1980 there was increased dramatically to just about 25% of total travelers and also in 2000 there was sharp
increased to just over than 35 %.


The thirdly, the number of the bike transportation in one
European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000 there were decreased
drastically such as in 1960 to just over 25% of total travelers,
in 1980 there was downward trend to just over 20% of total travelers and in 2000 there was decrease
dramatically to just under 10 %.

The fourthly, the number of traveling on foot
in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000 there were sharp
decreased such as in 1960 to just about 35% of total travelers,
in 1980 there was sharp decreased to just under 20% of total travelers and also in 2000 there was downward
trend to just about 10 %.

Your paragraph is not so well
organized, please look at the underlined words and discuss those with your
friend. If you have problem please contact me or one of your teachers. Thanks

Created by : Pasrep Nurhadi

TECHNOLOGY

I disagree if it is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional
cultures must be lost, even though technology and tradition are incompatible,
we can have both together because some reason.

The first, it isn’t automatically inevitable that as technology develops so
traditional cultures must be lost, even though technology and tradition are
incompatible, we can have both together. For example, the
previous the people moved any where by walking, after technology develops the
people moved by riding bicycle, by motor cycle, by train, by car, and by plane,
but now the people sometimes be happy walking and running for recreation and
keep their healthy and also sometimes they feel miss for riding bicycle or by
motorcycle. Both of technology develops and traditional cultures can be used
together by people.

The second, it isn’t forever the technology can answer all the people’s living
problem. For example, long time ago, we got information from mouth to mouth,
and now we can get information from internet, but all information from internet
are not really correct, we must compare it from the other information among
other from mouth to mouth. Both of technology develops and traditional cultures
can be used together by people.

The third, the technology cannot dominate human, but human can dominate the
technology. For example USA attacked Iraq long time ago, but until now Iraq cannot be dominated by USA.

The finally, both of technology develops and traditional cultures will running
and can be used together by the people.

Created by : Pasrep Nurhadi

11:48 AM

Your argument is not that convincing please discuss this with
your friend and give more convincing examples.

In the year 1960s traveling walked or by food
have very predominated such as those
which we see in graph with storey level is 60 percent besides cycling or by
bike also enough predominate with amount of the percentage of equal to 30.
( I do not understand your sentence) Travel by using car still lowest that is
around 7 procent. To mentioned
happened because at that moment car price still costly enough and represent
very luxuriant needs. After in the year 1980s. After
year 1980s usage of car start to increase trend to become 25 procent at the same time with make-up of usage of
transportation public like bus. While usage of bicycle start to decrease trend
and the core important traveller by walking of foot go sharply decrease trend
about 15 percent. Finally in year 2000s usage of car to travel to to represent the way of which at most used in European that
is around 35 percent and usage bicycle there was a downward trend. Why that
moment was happened, maybe car’s price progressively decrease
because new technology have been found and that make some materials of car more
cheaps as a result car more heaps.



By Nanang

9:24 AM

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and discuss those with your friend. If you have problem please contact me or
one of your teachers. Thanks

Answer task
Two :

Not that all of the traditional character have to be eliminated or left
absolutely, because not all that of the traditionals
character are bad or inflexiblely. That
way also with technological growth. Technological growth cannot wear
absolutely without existence of filter which enough. Many our which we can
evidence make example about combination from both the things for the
application of in our life.

Talking about traditional character always remember in we mind something that
have the character as like as anciently. Not that all is true. Look like
Cycling if you want go to different place, this activity more healtly than going up by car or motor bike. Besides that
going gone u bicycle not make polutan, practical, and
surelly cheapest. Why we talked if cycling is practical
because with cycling you will almost never deal with traffic jam, but if you by
a car that means you will be cause from traffic jam. In another axample why traditional character can’t leave from your
life, surelly you have manual note about your company
activity. If you think that way not necesery, your
statement is wrong. Possible your computer could be help to finish your job or
works but if power of electric broke what your activity will be stop. Manual
note will assist you during your computer not yet can be on.

Now explain about technology, new technology cannot altogether earn us wear
without passing screening or filtering process. like
for example in technological usage of internet, without us realize some of
immorality have and bounce young man with existence of porno situs and or cybercrime. But beside that, surelly
more gain we can take from technology. Satellite, external
plane of space like appolo or chalanger,
robbot, including about war equipments.

New technology must be compare and share with traditional character to complitelly our life perhaps more better
our life in the future. Nothing that have the character of absolute in this
life, not yet bad of course new and not yet of course better also.

By Nanang

9:27 AM

Dear Nanang, please look at your work with your friend, look at
your sentence 1 by 1. You need to work on basic grammar for your sentences.

Writing Task 1

As can be seen, the graph shows the different modes of
transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980
and 2000. Bus, car, bike, and foot are representing the different modes of
transport used to travel and its
expressed by percent of total travelers.

In 1960, foot took at the first place of transport used to travel by 35 % of
total travelers and follow by bike and
bus with over 25 % travelers. The last
place was taken by car with just 25 % travelers
used it. In 1980, people changed the way to travel and it was indicated
that foot was leaved by travelers.
There was sharp drop from 35 % to 15 % people used it to travel and it was
followed by travelers used bike that
was decreased to just over 20 %. In the opposite way people started choosing
car to travel and for life style either. It can be seen the dramatic increased
in percentage number of people used car from just over 5 % to 25 % travelers. In the same way, bus became a reasonable modes of transport to travel by travelers and it shows by the increased in percent
from 20 % to more than 25 % travelers used
bus. In the millennium year, triggered by the leap of technology improvement,
life style, good infrastructures and well economic growth car became the fist
mode of transport used to travel and shows by more over 35 % of total travelers used it. That condition made other modes
of transport used to travel was really leaved by travelers.
Bike was taken the car position in 1960 with just 5 % used by travelers to travel and it was followed by foot with
just 10 % used by travelers. Although bus was
still used by travelers in high number of
percent, but the number of more than 15 % travelers
used bus was indicated the downward trend.

In conclusion, time was changed the modes of transport used to travel by travelers to and from work in one European city and
it was interfered by the leap of technology improvement, life style, good
infrastructures and well economic growth.

Your paragraph is not well organized, please look at the
underlined words and discuss those with your friend. Look at Tety’s work please. If you have problem
please contact me or one of your teachers. Thanks

Writing Task 2

Some people think that technology and tradition are
incompatible. It is inevitable that as technology develops so traditional
cultures must be lost.

From the daily point of view, there are number of technology develops, which
give us a convenient life. We can get all information anytime and anywhere we
want. There is internet so that we don’t have to worry about “
What shall we do when we need an information ?” While there are post
office, library, and others places, we can make transaction as its used as traditional cultures.

When we think about technology develops, we enjoy going to surf the internet
sites, chatting, send email and search information using search engine in the
internet to get all information and use VoIP and
multi media visual for teleconference to make communication with people around
the world. Traditional cultures use post office, library, museum to get
information and common telephone to make a communication. When it comes to
socialization, the technology develops such as an internet eliminated the
boundaries time and distance while traditional cultures still depend on time
and distance.

Think about document : there are many filling cabinet,
paper, room to keep document in traditional cultures. Technology developing
make document look simple. The computer, CD and DVD media, USB drive, hard
drive, and diskette was changed the role of storage.

In this case, I prefer to look technology and traditional culture on that way.
I feel comfort and enjoy using technology. With technology life become simple
and no time waste. Traditional culture have to much
gap and hole to trick and create opportunities to cheat likes birocration and corruption.
Traditional culture make us stuck and waste the time.
I agree that technology and tradition are incompatible. It is inevitable that
as technology develops so traditional cultures must be lost and it will be
happen for somehow and sometime. It just a matter of
time.

- Ditya -

10:03 AM

Your essay is good, please look at the underlined words and
discuss those with your friend. Your argument is not clear due to the long
paragraph.

The different modes of
transport used to travel in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000

As can be seen in the graph about the different modes of transport used to
travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000, expressed
about modes of transport bus, car, bike and foot in the form of percent.

Happened change of graph which each other ( do not understand
this part) is contrary especially between usage car and by foot, which is
graph of car showing graph go up , but on the contrary by foot
show tendency of graph go down.

Top increasing usage of car happened in the year 2000 ,
almost forty percent, and this indicate that in European city, car is modes
most favorite transport, but in contrary indicate
lowest graph.

If we see in the graph , in 1960 by foot had dominated all of modes of
transport in one European city, it indicated that at that moment towny still moved in short distance and still
reachedable.

Like graph by foot, that way also with bicycle , from
year to year show down tendency , there are many possibility.

Created by : Agung Dasa Febri

10:04 AM

Your paragraph
is O.K, you need expressions to write about a graph.
Please talk to Bambang or Rukman
or Lily to get those expression or look at Tety’s work.

Between technology and tradition

If we talk about technology and culture like to see two sides of coin, both
there must be and cannot eliminating each other. Because tradition is informal
rule and technology is something to fasilitate
our life.

We all know, by technology we will get almost everything and feel easier, for
the example how the people move from one place to other place rapidly , without technology those are nonsense. But
technology not always everything, because there are certain matter which cannot
be finished by technology , eventhough
technology is not impossible cause bad to environment .

In Parahyangan land is recognized by term of ‘ pamali ’ , it mean don’t do that , and almost of all people
( tribe of sunda ) will adhere this matter , without
enquiring many. For example there is informal law if we will get about
procedures to take of firewood in forest. here there is order that we may not
cut away tree promiscuously , but us only permitted
just for dry wood , if impinged hence we will get summons even is dubious the
than ‘ power of forest ‘ , and people even also will not dare to impinge , so
that with forest ’ pamali ‘ remain to make
everlasting , but with technolology
exactly our forest become destroying.

So that we can not oppose between tradition and technology ,
all we need , during we all use rightly. By technology our life will be easier
and by tradition our life will be balancing .

Created by : AGUNG DASA FEBRI

10:06 AM

Your essay is O.K. you need to develop your argument and give more examples.

Task 1

The graph shows a very striking trend in the models of
transport used to travel to and from work in European City in 1960, 1980 and 2000.
According to the graph total travelers
who used bus shows the fluctuation. Until 1980, it was increased from 20% to
more 25% but after 1980 there has been a decrease of around 10%. During forty
years, total travelers who used car has
been a sharp increase of around 30% from 1960 to 2000. Models
of transport by bike and foot there has been a decrease in total travelers. The greatest
decrease showed in models of transport by foot about 25%. It was compared to
models of transport by bike that only about 20%.

By LILI WS

10:16 AM

Your paragraph is good, please look at the underlined words. Thanks

THE GRAPH OF THE DIFFERENT MODES OF TRANSPOT

According to the bar chart, there are four different modes of transport used to
travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

In 1960, people enjoyed traveling to and from work by foot. That is shown by the percentage on foot was the highest (35 %). While by car was the lowest, just about 7.5 %. In 1980, by bus was the favorite mode because the number of travelers used it reaching the highest (27.5 %). Otherwise, by foot wais the lowest (17.5). In 2000, a car was appropriate choice for traveling. At this time traveling by
car wsa the highest (37.5 %). Whereas by bike is the lowest (7.5 %).

In conclusion, most of Europeans prefer to travel to and from work by car. It’s
shown by the bar chart that by car had a sharply increase at the three decades.


Created by : ISHERI

Your paragraph is good, please
look at the underlined words and discuss those with your friend. If you have
problem please contact me or one of your teachers. Thanks

TECHNOLOGY AND TRADITIONAL CULTURES

Technology and traditional cultures are two different conditions.
One is a way to make life better and another is a condition to maintain the old
values and belief at people life. So, it is difficult to apply technology at
traditional cultures.
People keep traditional cultures don’t want to change the condition with a new
thing. They think their ways that do in daily activities is the best, so
everything that influence and change it, they refuse them. Beside that, they
want to keep ancestor heritage. For example, the government will build a dam
for collecting water to avoid flood and establish electrical power. So, that
building won’t be realized because they stop and make demonstration against
that plan.

Moreover, they are introverts. People are happy to stay at their race and far
from the crowd. For instance, some people who live at the remote area don’t
want to be disturbed and live naturally.

In conclusion, although a technology applied has a barrier at the people that
have so traditional cultures, we have to be patient and attempt to give them
understanding about the utility of technology for the human life.

Created by : ISHERI

10:30 AM

Your essay is O.K.

Task 1

PRESENTATION IN THE GRAPH

The graph show as indicator different modes of transport used to
travel to and from work in one European City in 1960, 1980, 2000. As can
be seen from in 1960, the used to travel by foot very popular and
have top rank of about 35% than by bus, car, bike
as the standard of living at the time and economic indicator developing
country.

And above in 1980, we can seen on the graph have
changes of opinion used to travel 180 degrees especially by foot
drooped dramatically each year of about 18% and so by bike degreased rapidly of
about 25% cause the life people have been the highest quality of live and
highest mobility until demand speed time get something as much used with
personal car to support activity every time.

From 1980 to 2000 the used to travel by car especially personal car a very
sharp increase till of about 12% as people had the highest GNP per head and
industrialized country even if people compete bought new car each year and
further would have problem the street crowded and high pollution as much car.

Meanwhile from 1960 to 2000, we can seen
on the graph used by bus to travel to and from work the graph show
fluctuated of about 5% each ten years. Cause the
people used personal car in activity dailly
the street crowded or limitedness parking place and sometimes the
people choose alternatives travel like used by bus.

In conclusion, the graph show as indicator change style life
people especially above in 1980, where incomes high can see economic indicator
and industrialized country cause people become consumptives to bought anything
conform it’s want.

Created by : S. PANJAITAN

Your paragraph is too long,
please look at the underlined words and discuss those with your friend. If you
have problem please contact me or one of your teachers. Thanks

Task 2
TECHNOLOGY

I disagree about the statement as technology develops so traditional cultures
must be lost. As long as much opinion have the negatives
think about technology as if have impact to evict traditional
culture be lost even if the people become afraid to effect from technology.
That opinion not true because traditional culture be lost
cause many factor as lower nationality, apathies youth, drugs and it’s not
effect from technology but the diverge used of technology. So we
can see reality Japan apply function of technology
and traditional culture by compatible and combine until Japan-an industrialized country-
had the highest GNP, where technology develops so traditional culture to go forward.
Here we can compare for example technology and traditional by compatible and
diverge used of technology.

The first, once upon ago before revolution industrialized the find, where the
people life environmental place very limited space and time until the people
under development. Then after the revolution industrialized since find of the
technology machine, the people usually have used of transport to travel to and
from place by foot until need along time, but today we can go the there by
plane need short time.

The seconds, the used technology nuclear. The technology nuclear very important to life people especially
like USA-an
industrialized country used nuclear as source of energy. This
problem is technology nuclear diverge used for bomb can killed or war.

Created by : S. PANJAITAN

11:09 AM

You have serious problems with your sentences. Please talk to your friend (Tety) or consult your teacher.

Task 1

The chart illustrates the different modes of transport
used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.
There are four categories which represent the mode of transport, such as bus,
car, bike and foot.

It can be seen, the graph shows that in 1960 people who traveled
by using bus reached 20%. In the next two decades it peaked 27.5
%, but in 2000 it decreased up to 17.5 %.So, in three periods, it tends to
fluctuate.

Meanwhile, people who traveled by using
car tend to increase. In 1960, there were only 7.5% people used this mode of
transport. There is a slight increase. In the next twenty years, 1980, there
was a slight increase; it was up to 17.5 %. In 2000, it also increased
dramatically, it was about 37.5%.

On the other hand, there were slight decreases in the third and
fourth graph; such as people traveled using
bike and foot. In the third category- by bike- shows the decrease of people traveled using this simple transport. The
people who traveled using
bike and foot is dramatically decrease in 2000. In 1960, there
was a peak about 27.5%. In the next two decades (1980), it tends to decrease,
it was about 22% and the lowest decrease happened in 2000. It was only 7.5 %
people who used bike to travel to and from work.

In the forth category-traveling by
foot-it tends to decrease. In 1960, it peaked 35 %. It also decreased dramatically,
it was about 17.5%. So, it was almost 50% decrease. Until 2000, it decreased up
to 10%.

In summary, in one European city, people tend to use car to travel to and from
work than travel by bike or foot.

Your paragraph is good, please
look at the underlined words and discuss those with your friend. If you have
problem please contact me or one of your teachers. Thanks

task 2

"Technology and tradition are incompatible", It is reality. I do not
agree to this statement. Technology is new invention or creation, meanwhile
tradition is characteric of the
people's lives. the problem is how they can apply this
technology in their lives without disturbing their tradition. I think that
technology and tradition are charecteristic
and unique. People should keep them live together

Let say, a new invention should not
"destroy" the tradition in their day lives. For example, in Japan, a high technology in house contruction can be applied in their tradional-style house .
However, they use this new invention, they still keep
the model and style. It is ok, because they can support each other. The other
example, in Java, we can see that they still use their tradional
customs, mean while they have applied the new technolgy
in making the custom, such as designing the model by using computer, coloring or making the materials by using new
technology.

in another word, technology and tradition should be in
the same portion.

machmud s

12:42 PM

Your essay need improvement. Please discuss with your friends.

Writing Task I

The graph shows the different modes of transport used
to travel by bus, car, bike and foot to and from work in one European city in
1960, 1960, and 2000. In the year of 2000, there are large
difference modes of transport between by car and by bike. The travellers went
to work by car reaching the highest transport up to 37 % but the other
travellers used to travel by bike was relatively low around 7,5 %.

It can be seen in the graph that the travellers went to work by bus had been
steady around 18 % to 32 % in the year of 1960, 1980 and 2000. It was increased
more moderately going by car from just over 8 % to nearly 37 % of total
travellers in those years.

On the contrary, it was dramatically dropped from about 28 % to 7,5 % of travellers using bike in 1960, 1980 and 2000. Almost
35 % of people in one European city liked strongly to work on foot in the year
of 1960, but it was a downward trend to 17 % for the people in that city in
1980 and in 2000, people in that city didn't like going to work on foot
anymore. There was only 10 % of total travellers going
on foot.

The bigest different modes
of transport used to travel in 2000 is between car and bike. 37 % of
travellers used the car and only around 7,5 % used the
bike to work.

Your paragraph is good, please look at the underlined words and
discuss those with your friend. If you have problem please contact me or one of
your teachers. Thanks